Dallas Clayton Writer, Artist and Author of An Awesome Book.
HOLIDAY (LOS ANGELES)
HOLIDAY (LOS ANGELES) I went to the mall yesterday and I remembered it was Christmas time. It’s an easy thing to forget out here until you walk into a line of people all waiting to meet Santa and you see that they are taking reservations and there is a bouncer checking the list just like [...]
HOMELESS
HOMELESS What is it like, the day you finally admit that you’re homeless? The weeks leading up to it must be tough. Lots of dodging the question about “what you’ve been up to.” and telling long stories that don’t go anywhere just to avoid any lulls in conversation where someone might notice you are [...]
ETHIC
ETHIC A father stands at the lip of the wharf with his daughter who is only three. They watch sea lions lounging about in the sun full with fish dazed and happy. “How long do they lay like that?” The daughter asks. “All day. They lay around until they get warm, then they swim for [...]
ENDLESS
ENDLESS You should learn to skateboard. It is cheap and fun. It is something you can do when you are alone or with friends. Once you learn, you can hang out late at night in parking lots for hours and hours (and you don’t even have to be high). Also you can talk to others [...]
GETTING QUIT
GETTING QUIT When was the last time you painted your face? Not for any reason, or special day, just for fun, to look like an animal you appreciate or to give yourself a cool moustache or a teardrop, like a prisoner who has killed someone. How would your boss feel about that? He’d probably [...]
JAMS
JAMS Why are there so many songs with lyrics about dancing? Where to dance, how to dance, when to dance. That is the job of the song to make you dance. So if it was really doing its job it wouldn’t need any words at all and certainly not any instructions.
APOLOGIES
APOLOGIES Did you apologize for something today? If so, were you truly sorry for it or were you just saying that you were sorry to avoid getting in trouble and lighten up the weight of the situation a little bit? Once when I was in high school I threw a glass jar of lip balm [...]
GREAT
GREAT The world’s oldest person just died. She was one hundred and fifteen. If you do not yet have any long term goals you should consider aiming for her title. It’s not much effort and think of all that you will have seen and heard if you succeed.
MUSEUM
MUSEUM Question: How important is it, On a scale of one to ten for an adult human being to know what a stegosaurus is? Answer: 4 Question: How important is it for an adult human being to not not know what a stegosaurus is? Answer: 8.5
BRONX
BRONX Before opening up a street lamp And splicing together wires to run power to extension cords to allow the bands to play for free for all the kids who care It’s best not to worry about whether you like the music enough to risk being electrocuted simply to provide it. Otherwise there will be [...]
FUTILE PROTEST
FUTILE PROTEST Do you think they will ever stop enjoying tracing turkeys with their hands and cutting little feather headdresses out of construction paper?
CROOKED
CROOKED My teeth hurt sometimes And it makes me think of what it’s like to really be poor, Not poor like all my friends with their yard sale bicycles and general lack of work ethic but poor like that old man I met who works in shipping and has a face like my father [...]
MORE AND MORE
MORE AND MORE How magazines get started: “Dude, I’ve got an idea…you know how we both like to look at chicks and talk about gadgets…”