THE SECOND BEST DREAM I HAD TWO MONTHS AGO
THE SECOND BEST DREAM I HAD TWO MONTHS AGO
My, what a thirteen year old boy I am.
Almost my entire dream involved me riding a dirtbike.
A DIRTBIKE!
I was so happy.
Up and down the streets.
Over the trails.
Doing tricks.
Burnouts.
Donuts.
Waving at girls.
I’ve never owned a dirtbike before, but man did it feel great.
Until I tried to impress this group of kids hanging out in front of a middle school.
I checked into the emergency room at the free clinic
and they bandaged up my face nice and tidy.
The nurses said I was a real asshole and way too old to be
fooling around on a dirtbike.
They said I should get a job.
I wanted to tell them I had a job,
but then realized if I told them that,
they wouldn’t give me the free bus tokens I needed to get back home.
So I just said “okay.”
At home I tried to explain to my friends what happened to my face.
“No time to explain!” they said. “We’re going train hopping.”
In the post-apocalyptic train yards of downtown Los Angeles we
set out across the country. Not sure who my friends were, but my
dad was there, armed with all sorts of home made weapons.
Turns out my dad is a good guy to hop trains with.
Even at 57.
He was the only one who knew to look out for cops,
And where to get on and off.
And how to use his homemade weapons to fend
off these really stereotypical biker zombies that camped out in
some of the bigger train lots
and robbed people and ate their brains.
Thanks dad.
We hopped off the train somewhere in the middle of
the Valley.
Audio was hosting a house party, with a swimming pool,
a dj,
and several kegs.
This didn’t seem strange at the time.
But now, really makes me wonder about a lot of things.
Like who would come if Audio through a party in
real life.
Maybe more people than would come to my party?
Well, if it was anything like the party in my dream
the answer is a definite yes.
Audio’s party was a five star rager.
People jumping off the roof into the pool,
spray painting the living room,
dancing in their underwear,
passing out in the tub.
Really the only way you would have known that
it was hosted by a four year old was that
Audio got so excited he peed his pants
and had to go to bed early.
After he went to sleep and the booze ran dry
the party tapered out.
By sunrise I found myself in the pool house involved in
a threesome with two fairly attractive older women.
Nothing unusual here, except that I was played by John Cusack.
How unfortunate.
To be played by someone else in my own
sex dream.
And they kept saying “Oh! John Cusack! OH JOHN CUSACK!”
throughout the entire episode.